My sweet little man

A Chase-ism to start the day:

He got to visit Toys R Us with his Daddy and brother on Saturday.  He was amazed and tried to convince Stuart he needed a guitar and a tool bench.  So last night we were talking about where we'd been during the day.  He was talking about how Wal Mart had Band Aids and whatnot, then Toys R Us came up out of the blue.

"Mom, I know about Toys R Us... They have lots of toys and games, and books there!  And GUITARS!"

"oh yeah?" I say.  "That's great!"

"But, what's Babies R Us?  Is that where you buy babies?"

*snort*  "Uh, no, sweetie.  You don't BUY babies there."

"Oh, so you just get to look at 'em?" he asks sincerely.

I about busted a gut laughing at his innocence.  Then Stuart explained that Babies R Us is where you buy diapers, baby toys, baby beds, and that kind of thing.  They sell things FOR babies, not babies.  

"So do they have baby Band Aids there?"

We assured him that if a baby needed a Band Aid, Babies R Us would be able to meet that baby's needs.  ROFL.

Introspective

I'm feeling really introspective lately.  I think stress does that to a person.  Well, it does me, anyway.

What am I thinking about?  Anything, really, that I feel I need to improve, modify, or completely eliminate to be the best me I can be.  

I've started a new blog.  I would appreciate encouragement and support.  The months of March and April have been more than a change of season for our family.  We've moved from a climate that was generally foggy and chilly to a warm, muggy locale.  We've got a new home that we're finally getting accustomed to.  The biggest change is yet to come...the day Daddy's boat goes out for a while.

In order for me to support the kids and coach them through this adjustment, I need to be ready to tackle it head-on for myself.  I've got to have things in place that will allow me to wallow, be angry, be afraid, and not know what to do - without the kids catching the brunt of it.  

I've gotten systems going in the house where I'm able to keep the clutter under control.  I just realized, though, that there's one room I HAVE to get tackled in the next day or 2 because I have company coming on Saturday.  The room is dubbed The Man Cave because it's where the computer and extra TV are and Stuart can be found there about 70% of the day.  *eye roll*  It's been our catch-all for the boxes and general crap that we had stored in the garage.  

I've got to figure out a menu that's appropriate for a mommy and her little guys.  I've always cooked for a crew, so it'll take some adjusting.  I've got to get some priorities straight with my health and taking care of myself.  

I've done a lot of looking at relationships and trying to eliminate or reduce contact with people that aren't healthy for me.  I've done a darned good job at that in the last year.  Really.  I'm proud of myself for that.  I think that I've got some hard work ahead of me still, but I know I can do it.

I can do anything with prayer, support, and love.  I have to remember that.  

Whirlwind

I feel like I'm in a crazy whirlwind right now. Time is in fast-forward, I think. The movers come in 1 week and 2 days. They came out yesterday to do an estimate and figure out how long it'll take to pack and load. Crazy stuff.

We're trying to wrap up doctor's appointments, dental vists, and vet check-ups. Trying to weed out clothes that don't fit or won't be seasonally appropriate for living in the south.

In the midst of it all, I'm working part time, Stuart has a birthday, and I have a belly dance performance.

To top it off, I'm pooped! Seriously tired. I want to lay in bed all day one day. I need to feel rested before this all hits a climax. I don't think it's gonna happen, but it's nice to dream, eh?

Hi

I'm stalling...

I'm supposed to be cleaning right now, but I don't wanna.

=( My little house here looks so sad. There are no pictures on the walls, none of my candles, all my cute kitchen stuff has been taken down.

I weeded through the boys' clothes last night. (I blogged about that experience on the Waiting for ships... page) The carpet guys are coming, oh, in a couple of hours. I have picked up the stuff off the floor - mostly. I ran the vacuum. They're just giving an estimate, though, so it'll be all right.

I really need to clean the kitchen, and I just don't wanna. I want to sit on my bootie, drink some tea, and do NOTHING.

Instead, Chase is at the dentist - AGAIN -, I've got to get to the Post Office, deal with the carpet stuff, take a friend to town to run an errand, then I have belly dance tonight. At some point in there I hope to grab some lunch and maybe give my husbands and kids a hug or two.

If you find the laundry fairy, send her my way. I've got about 5 loads still to wash. Oh, and if you find the "easy" button from Staples that works on PCS stuff, that'd be great, too.

*hrumph*

Shocking, isn't it?

I've gotten more than a few frantic e-mails and personal messages lately asking if I was okay. LOL! Apparently I have a habit of spending just a little time online, and when I miss that time, it's noticed. =D I assure you that I'm all right. Also, a great big "I love ya!" to those who have checked on me.

Man, I'll tell you, I don't know if I'm coming or going.

Wait. What was that? Oh, my backside. I guess I'm going right now.

I'm so exhausted that I'm pretty sure this blog won't make much sense. A quick recap for those that may not know what's going on.

1) The packers come in 2 weeks. ~~should be 'nuff said~~
2) I've been SICK this week. I guess it's allergies, but i'm drained.
3) I've spent most every free moment doing some work for a great friend. It's work I enjoy, and the companionship is wonderful! While I'm there, though, my chores at home aren't doing themselves.

I won't bore you with whining and carrying on. Well, not anymore. ;)

For the next few weeks I'll be a little out of touch. I'm hoping once we get to Mobile and get settled, though, I'll be back with a vengeance. Within reason, that is.

*sigh*

Man, there's no kind of guilt in the world worse than feeling like you've let your kid down. Nothing.

Chase is 5. He's a sweet, sweet boy. He's counting to 100, he's starting to read a little. He's growing into a big boy right in front of my eyes.

But I've failed him. I know that sounds melodramatic, but it's true.

I was 22 when Chase was born, thought I held the world on a string, and had been through the wringer in a lot of ways. Honestly. I was working full time, Stuart was working full time. Chase went to daycare. Between me being lazy and the daycare not helping, Chase used a bottle until his 2nd birthday. If I'd only realized what I was doing to my poor baby.

Last month he woke up screaming because his tooth hurt. We weren't on dental yet, but took him in to have it checked out. He had an infection in his molar. They put him on 10 days of antibiotics and said for him to come back to have it filled and possibly a cap or crown put on.

Today was the appointment. He completed his antibiotics, but his infection is back. They weren't able to fill the tooth. In fact, he's going to be on antibiotics again, and they're just going to pull the tooth next week and put a spacer in.

I feel horrible. For one, I've never been strict enough about tooth brushing. I was blessed with hearty teeth and have never had a cavity. (knock on wood) Stuart has really weak enamel and has had MANY dental problems. It looks like Chase inherited that.

So this is just a big old sigh from a mommy that feels really guilty. It sucks to know that I could've done something to prevent this. It sucks more to know that my little guy has been enduring pain and will again next week because of my oversight and laziness.

Dangit. I'm so sorry, little guy. :(

Divine Intervention

This past Tuesday was the first time I'd been back to belly dance since before Christmas. Stuart's schedule, Chase's dental stuff, and just LIFE had gotten in the way.

I was standing in my bathroom brushing through my hair, and I chided myself. We have two great instructors in this area for belly dance, and I hadn't taken advantage of both. I realized, as I was standing there, that I only had about 5 weeks left here and right before a move wasn't the time to put money into doubling up on dance classes. I didn't completely beat myself up about it, but I was pretty disappointed.

I got to the studio for class and climbed the stairs. I greeted and was greeted, gave hugs, etc. My friend Shannon came up to me and said something like, "Hey, I need to talk to you..."

Shannon, by the way, is a gorgeous girl. Ebony hair, beautiful eyes, and a magnificent personality. She tells me she's starting some graduate level classes and won't be able to finish out her class card with Shoshanna. Would I like her to transfer it to my name?

Now, if you know me, you won't be surprised to hear that my eyes filled with tears, though I tried really hard for it not to show. Without knowing Stuart's duty schedule or anything, I told her I'd be completely honored and so thankful.

So last night I sent Shoshanna an e-mail letting her know my situation and making sure I wouldn't mess up her flow by dropping in for a few weeks before we leave. She said it was fine. The best part? Stuart's off every Thursday in February. God opened this door wide for me. I'd be a fool not to recognize that.

If you're in Humboldt county and are interested in belly dance, here's where you can find some info:
http://www.rasheikaraks.com
http://www.shoshannaland.com