This is truly serious. I know my title is tongue-in-cheek.
Depending on how well you know me, you may or may not know that I've dealt with depression off and on for the last 10 years or so. My first real issue with it was in high school. I gained a lot of weight, hid in my room, lost contact with my friends, and my grades plummeted. My parents were wrapped up in a very ugly separation and divorce, and I was never treated for depression or anything. This went on and on for about a year.
After Stuart and I got married and I got pregnant with Chase, I hit bottom emotionally again. I chalked it up to hormones, but I was clinically depressed. I know that looking back. It happened again after Logan was born in the form of PPD. I didn't even want to leave the hospital. I was treated this time with medication, and felt fantastic. So fantastic that I thought I was "better".
Fast forward to March 2007. I gained weight after my hysterectomy and couldn't lose it - even going to the gym 3 to 5 days a week. A doctor put me on Wellbutrin for weight loss. Not only did I NOT lose weight, it had an adverse effect on my emotions, and I was really cranky and moody. I stopped taking it after a couple months.
Starting in August of 2007, I was having very tearful days where I just couldn't cope. At all. There was no trigger - no stressor that hadn't been there the day before. Just a very helpless feeling. A hopeless feeling. My dear friend, Sonya, who happens to have a PhD and is a Psychotherapist suggested that I see a doc for depression. She - and others around me - could clearly see that I was slipping back into that pit of despair.
I learned something at the visit with my doc that I hadn't heard, and it's worth hearing. UNTREATED DEPRESSION CAN HAVE ADVERSE EFFECTS ON YOUR BODY. No, not in the form of self-mutilation. Not just in the form of fatigue and aching. Untreated depression causes damage to parts of your brain, and left untreated can lead to dementia in later life. I hadn't heard this and it terrifies me.
I know SO many women who are afraid to admit that they feel overwhelmed, sad, or *gasp* depressed. Here's a fact: Depression has nothing to do with you being weak, strong, or otherwise. This is something I've had to tell myself, and it's important. Depression is a disease, just like diabetes, high blood pressure, or glaucoma. You don't ask for it, you don't do something wrong to get it. You DO need to see someone if you have symptoms.
http://www.king5.com/health/stories/NW_080407HEK_dementia_KS.177de55.html
http://www.depression.com/depression_questionnaire.html
Please check these links out. Send me an e-mail if you want to talk or ask questions. Just please don't think you're alone. Don't give up. Please, don't NOT take medicine because you're worried about how others will see you.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Friday, January 25, 2008
My last hurrah
I'll be performing with the Hip Mamas for the last time on March 1 at Arts Alive. I was hoping to still be around for Student Night, but I'm thinking with this PCS it's just not going to be possible.
I can't believe I've been belly dancing for a year now. What a year of self-discovery this has been. I've been introduced to places and people I never would've known without belly dance. I've been introduced to a ME I never would've known. I'm more confident, more graceful, and more fun, I think.
Thanks to Erin for encouraging me to go to class with her, and thanks to Rasheika and the Hip Mamas for allowing me to perform and learn with them. What a ride it's been.
Oh, and you KNOW there will be video and pictures to come. ;)
I can't believe I've been belly dancing for a year now. What a year of self-discovery this has been. I've been introduced to places and people I never would've known without belly dance. I've been introduced to a ME I never would've known. I'm more confident, more graceful, and more fun, I think.
Thanks to Erin for encouraging me to go to class with her, and thanks to Rasheika and the Hip Mamas for allowing me to perform and learn with them. What a ride it's been.
Oh, and you KNOW there will be video and pictures to come. ;)
Saturday, January 19, 2008
An explanation...
Here's an explanation to the video:
The baby wipes are courtesy of Logan. He pulled them out of the package right before I started the video.
The "guitar" Chase is using is the attachment to my vacuum.
Yes, they're like this all day, every day.
The baby wipes are courtesy of Logan. He pulled them out of the package right before I started the video.
The "guitar" Chase is using is the attachment to my vacuum.
Yes, they're like this all day, every day.
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Observation
Every day I am able to gather with hundreds - even thousands - of people online. All right, not at the same time, of course, but I have people that I know I can go to for prayer, a laugh, a "hug", a dose of reality, and inspiration.
It is so important to me to recognize amazing stories of perseverance, faith, and hope. Stories like Beth and Zach. They weren't sure they'd ever be able to have children, and in the course of a year have been blessed with 2. Now, if they'll just get home from Guatemala and post some pictures. ;)
People like Angela Fox. What an amazing lady - though she'd modestly say she's nothing special. She's full of life, full of hope, and quite a card. LOL! When I think of Angela - even though I know some about the struggles she faces, and nothing about most of what she endures - I always think of her with a big, beautiful smile. Angela has helped me learn about faith and hope.
Then there's Angela Keane, who I don't know as well, but appreciate and admire just the same.. What a beautiful woman. She's worked hard and learned to take care of herself and appreciate herself and her beauty. She's got 3 beautiful kids, and has faced news from doctors in the last few months that I cannot even comprehend. Even at that, she's kept going, and Morgan will be having a procedure done in the Bay Area soon. Without hope - without faith - there's no way they would take the risk of this procedure. Both Angelas are doing this with husbands underway for months at a time. Having to live the single mom life while their husbands are serving our country.
There are others, too. Nissa I admire and adore for her empathy and love. She's a spitfire, though, let me tell you. She's also unbelievably strong, and I'm thankful that she's trusted me to let me see that side of her. Mary is a fount of knowledge and love, always willing to educate and support parents no matter what their choices might be. Jenny is amazing. Simply amazing. Educated, beautiful, positive, and supportive.
Jori is another that I completely admire. Wow, what this woman's helped her family through. Another humble, beautiful spirit, always willing to care for others ahead of herself.
I've got a whole crew I can go to for a laugh - Jen, Elizabeth, Elizabeth, Stephanie, Lisa and SO many more. And even though they're goofy, they each have offered me suport when I've needed it in their own way.
Then I have people like Chrissy, Elaine, Cirrus, Barb, Jessica, Amy, Stacy, Nell, Ronda and Erin that I've gotten to know personally. Women that can give me a hug or a reassuring smile, and I know I can figure things out.
I know exactly the people I can go to when I need help with History - Julie, financial stuff - Sue or Elaine, ins and outs of CG policy - Becca.
There are COUNTLESS others, so if you don't see your name here, don't get offended. Every person who has posted on a thread I've put online, every person that's put a comment on myspace, every individual that's prayed for me or a member of my family is special to me, and helps me learn more about who I am and who I want to be.
Thanks to God for friends and love. <3
It is so important to me to recognize amazing stories of perseverance, faith, and hope. Stories like Beth and Zach. They weren't sure they'd ever be able to have children, and in the course of a year have been blessed with 2. Now, if they'll just get home from Guatemala and post some pictures. ;)
People like Angela Fox. What an amazing lady - though she'd modestly say she's nothing special. She's full of life, full of hope, and quite a card. LOL! When I think of Angela - even though I know some about the struggles she faces, and nothing about most of what she endures - I always think of her with a big, beautiful smile. Angela has helped me learn about faith and hope.
Then there's Angela Keane, who I don't know as well, but appreciate and admire just the same.. What a beautiful woman. She's worked hard and learned to take care of herself and appreciate herself and her beauty. She's got 3 beautiful kids, and has faced news from doctors in the last few months that I cannot even comprehend. Even at that, she's kept going, and Morgan will be having a procedure done in the Bay Area soon. Without hope - without faith - there's no way they would take the risk of this procedure. Both Angelas are doing this with husbands underway for months at a time. Having to live the single mom life while their husbands are serving our country.
There are others, too. Nissa I admire and adore for her empathy and love. She's a spitfire, though, let me tell you. She's also unbelievably strong, and I'm thankful that she's trusted me to let me see that side of her. Mary is a fount of knowledge and love, always willing to educate and support parents no matter what their choices might be. Jenny is amazing. Simply amazing. Educated, beautiful, positive, and supportive.
Jori is another that I completely admire. Wow, what this woman's helped her family through. Another humble, beautiful spirit, always willing to care for others ahead of herself.
I've got a whole crew I can go to for a laugh - Jen, Elizabeth, Elizabeth, Stephanie, Lisa and SO many more. And even though they're goofy, they each have offered me suport when I've needed it in their own way.
Then I have people like Chrissy, Elaine, Cirrus, Barb, Jessica, Amy, Stacy, Nell, Ronda and Erin that I've gotten to know personally. Women that can give me a hug or a reassuring smile, and I know I can figure things out.
I know exactly the people I can go to when I need help with History - Julie, financial stuff - Sue or Elaine, ins and outs of CG policy - Becca.
There are COUNTLESS others, so if you don't see your name here, don't get offended. Every person who has posted on a thread I've put online, every person that's put a comment on myspace, every individual that's prayed for me or a member of my family is special to me, and helps me learn more about who I am and who I want to be.
Thanks to God for friends and love. <3
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
I'm freaking out...
AAAAAARRRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
*exhale*
I'm making a very REAL effort not to panic. Let me run through the reasons I'm inclined to freak right now:
1. I have no idea when Stuart is going to report to the boat.
2. I have no idea, then, when we'll be leaving here.
3. Military housing in MS has apparently closed, leaving us to search for a rental from 3000-ish miles away.
4. I have a dog, limiting rental choices.
5. I have a child that will be starting school, so we have to look for a decent school district in our home search.
6. I am a planner, and like to live with a to-do list. I can't do that with so many things up in the air.
7. I get a phone call about once a day from family members asking if we know anything yet.
That'll do for now. I think. I'm so ready for the packers and movers to come pack us up and get us on our way... I just need some questions answered first - and quickly...
*exhale*
I'm making a very REAL effort not to panic. Let me run through the reasons I'm inclined to freak right now:
1. I have no idea when Stuart is going to report to the boat.
2. I have no idea, then, when we'll be leaving here.
3. Military housing in MS has apparently closed, leaving us to search for a rental from 3000-ish miles away.
4. I have a dog, limiting rental choices.
5. I have a child that will be starting school, so we have to look for a decent school district in our home search.
6. I am a planner, and like to live with a to-do list. I can't do that with so many things up in the air.
7. I get a phone call about once a day from family members asking if we know anything yet.
That'll do for now. I think. I'm so ready for the packers and movers to come pack us up and get us on our way... I just need some questions answered first - and quickly...
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
50 RANDOM things about me
Okay, so I'm a copycat. At least I can admit it. :) I've seen this on a couple other blogs, and I think it's a great idea. Let's see if I can come up with 50.
1. I am a fantastic organizer, if I'm organizing things for someone else. I'm not so good at it in my own home.
2. I have very long eyelashes, and get asked regularly if I'm wearing false eyelashes.
3. I played soccer from the time I was 5 until I was 15.
4. I was on the first girls' soccer team at my high school.
5. We scrimmaged with the boys' team, which consisted of varsity football players.
6. I wanted to be a lawyer growing up.
7. I was on the Mock Trial team in high school, and decided law was NOT for me.
8. I only regularly talk to one friend from school. There are a few on myspace, but none that I'm in contact with regularly.
9. My ears stick out really far.
10. I had the same teacher for history my freshman, sophomore, and junior years of high school.
11. That teacher also taught my mom.
12. I sat in the same desk for 3 years in her classroom.
13. I still remember the solo I sang in a school play in 2nd grade.
14. I love to laugh.
15. I laugh LOUDLY.
16. I have very strong fingernails that grow quickly.
17. I like to mix all my food together on my plate when I eat.
18. I love canned peaches with mayo and shredded cheddar cheese.
19. It grosses Stuart out when I eat peaches with mayo and cheese. LOL!
20. I'm from the south, and didn't eat a very diverse diet when I was a kid, so I never know what people are talking about when they're having "real" food for dinner.
21. I can count on 1 hand the number of things I've deep fried since I got married.
22. I love to cook, but I'm horrible at baking cookies.
23. I cook like my dad - throw what I've got in a skillet and make it yummy.
24. I've recently started drinking hot tea.
25. I love chai tea with no milk or sugar added. It's so good!
26. I haven't bought any clothing items for myself in MONTHS.
27. I'd love to dress up and wear heels every day.
28. I actually wear jogging pants or yoga pants and a hoodie most days.
29. I cannot find jeans that are an appropriate length for me.
30. I'd give my eye teeth for some food from Casa Ole'.
31. I'd equally love to have a fountain drink from Sonic.
32. I have a better relationship with my sisters now than I did 10 years ago.
33. I married my high school sweetheart.
34. My favorite color is orange.
35. I love to take pictures.
36. I enjoy hikes and playing outside.
37. I started belly dancing about a year ago.
38. I've been intrigued by the Middle East since 5th grade.
39. I did a research project on the sphinx in 6th grade.
40. I know how to say I Love You in Russian.
41. I took 4 years of Spanish in school, and can't speak it.
42. I can read some Spanish, though.
43. I'm actually really shy.
44. I quote lines from random movies pretty frequently.
45. I love to color.
46. I love my boys.
47. I didn't want kids growing up, and now I have 2.
48. I would love to go back to school one day, but I don't know what I'd want to study.
49. I'm really glad that I didn't finish my degree in elementary ed, because I don't feel like that's my calling at all.
50. I'm trying really hard each day to listen to what God has to say. He's blessed me so much, through the trials and triumphs, and I'm trying to appreciate and become the woman He's called me to be.
1. I am a fantastic organizer, if I'm organizing things for someone else. I'm not so good at it in my own home.
2. I have very long eyelashes, and get asked regularly if I'm wearing false eyelashes.
3. I played soccer from the time I was 5 until I was 15.
4. I was on the first girls' soccer team at my high school.
5. We scrimmaged with the boys' team, which consisted of varsity football players.
6. I wanted to be a lawyer growing up.
7. I was on the Mock Trial team in high school, and decided law was NOT for me.
8. I only regularly talk to one friend from school. There are a few on myspace, but none that I'm in contact with regularly.
9. My ears stick out really far.
10. I had the same teacher for history my freshman, sophomore, and junior years of high school.
11. That teacher also taught my mom.
12. I sat in the same desk for 3 years in her classroom.
13. I still remember the solo I sang in a school play in 2nd grade.
14. I love to laugh.
15. I laugh LOUDLY.
16. I have very strong fingernails that grow quickly.
17. I like to mix all my food together on my plate when I eat.
18. I love canned peaches with mayo and shredded cheddar cheese.
19. It grosses Stuart out when I eat peaches with mayo and cheese. LOL!
20. I'm from the south, and didn't eat a very diverse diet when I was a kid, so I never know what people are talking about when they're having "real" food for dinner.
21. I can count on 1 hand the number of things I've deep fried since I got married.
22. I love to cook, but I'm horrible at baking cookies.
23. I cook like my dad - throw what I've got in a skillet and make it yummy.
24. I've recently started drinking hot tea.
25. I love chai tea with no milk or sugar added. It's so good!
26. I haven't bought any clothing items for myself in MONTHS.
27. I'd love to dress up and wear heels every day.
28. I actually wear jogging pants or yoga pants and a hoodie most days.
29. I cannot find jeans that are an appropriate length for me.
30. I'd give my eye teeth for some food from Casa Ole'.
31. I'd equally love to have a fountain drink from Sonic.
32. I have a better relationship with my sisters now than I did 10 years ago.
33. I married my high school sweetheart.
34. My favorite color is orange.
35. I love to take pictures.
36. I enjoy hikes and playing outside.
37. I started belly dancing about a year ago.
38. I've been intrigued by the Middle East since 5th grade.
39. I did a research project on the sphinx in 6th grade.
40. I know how to say I Love You in Russian.
41. I took 4 years of Spanish in school, and can't speak it.
42. I can read some Spanish, though.
43. I'm actually really shy.
44. I quote lines from random movies pretty frequently.
45. I love to color.
46. I love my boys.
47. I didn't want kids growing up, and now I have 2.
48. I would love to go back to school one day, but I don't know what I'd want to study.
49. I'm really glad that I didn't finish my degree in elementary ed, because I don't feel like that's my calling at all.
50. I'm trying really hard each day to listen to what God has to say. He's blessed me so much, through the trials and triumphs, and I'm trying to appreciate and become the woman He's called me to be.
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