Friday morning

TGIF?  I guess.  It's just another day.

I have been in bed before 9 o'clock the last week except for one day.  I am still SO tired.  It has nothing to do with depression.  I am happy, I am looking forward to things, and I am aware that I have good things happening in my life.

I don't know if there is a good way to describe this fatigue.  I feel like my battery cannot recharge.  No matter how long I sit plugged into the charger, it's not holding a charge at all.  It's 8:35.  I've done laundry, eaten breakfast, fed the kiddos, and gotten a good start on the day.  I am having a hard time even getting off the couch.  I could truly fall back asleep right now.  It's more like I'm forcing myself to stay awake during the day.  It is so bizarre.

My joint pain is a constant ache.  Why has it appeared all of a sudden?  It is so weird!  In CA, I was running, going to the gym, dancing - active all the time.  Here, I've been walking or jogging a few days a week, doing pilates, and now I can hardly think about doing it.  It's gotten worse over the last month or so.  When I was working in CA last month, I had to stop a few times because my back and hips were so painful.  I'm at a point now where I can't get up off the couch without hesitating because my hips hurt so badly.  I'm starting Medical Transcription school, and my fingers are starting to ache.  Uh, not good timing there.

The real issue here is I'm seeing things happening to me that I saw happen to my mother.  When I was 7 or 8, Dad was working in Kansas on a train, and we were in Oklahoma.  Mom got SO sick.  It was nighttime, and I had to go down the street in my pajamas to get the neighbor to come help because Mom was too sick to move.  She ended up in the hospital for a few days, and after that was the barrage of testing that ended with a Lupus diagnosis a few years later.  

My childhood was affected, certainly, as were my sisters'.  In Kindergarten, Ashley would cry every day before school because she was so afraid Mom was going to die while she was at school.  She was worried for a long time about Mom dying, and is very sensitive now when Mom is sick.  I remember getting everyone up and getting Ashley ready for school when Mom couldn't.  I don't want my boys to have to live lives like that... Living a life afraid.  Living life knowing that every aspect of your family's life depends on your Mom's health - vacations, field trips, dinnertime.

My plan is this:

I see the doctor again in a few weeks.  (first available appointment)  I will discuss at length the lab results from this visit.  I will express my concerns about fibromyalgia, Lupus, and/or chronic fatigue syndrome.  I will at that point ask for a referral to a rheumatologist.  There is no need for my PCM to keep doing blind testing if this area isn't his forte'.  I cannot live like this.  I need something to manage the stiffness and pain, and I need some energy.  I have too much to do, and I have sweet boys that deserve a mommy.  

I don't want to seem like I'm whining.  I just need to get all this out and have it documented so I can refer back to it.  I'll likely be posting more frequently on this blog with these kinds of posts, so beware.  

If I have any say

...which I doubt, I declare this patrol OVER. Now, can I have my husband back?  

The past few weeks have been almost incomprehensible. Truly.

The day he left, the mouse appeared. Then more mice appeared. *gag* I have felt worse than I've felt in a LONG time physically. Lo has been sick. All of the Murphy's Law business that you hear about.

Two times I've gotten a phone call from First Aid at the school that my big boy had an injury. They were scraped knees, but it warranted a phone call and a request that I pick him up. I told the nurse he could stay for the rest of the day. I didn't think it warranted a pick up. Oh, BTW, the last First Aid call was yesterday.

Today I get a call. I recognize the number on the caller ID. It's First Aid - again. This time, the big boy has a nose bleed that they can't get to stop. The nurse says, "I really think you should come get him." Okay, okay. I can take a hint.

I suppose it's a good thing I picked him up. The rest of the afternoon he was crying from a splitting headache. I gave him some medicine, he's running fever, and it's 7:00 and he's snoozing on the sofa. Guess someone will have his first ever sick day from school tomorrow. :(
Also this afternoon, I had another mouse in a trap. Can I tell you how much I DESPISE dealing with this? I'm sure if anyone could see me, it would definitely be sitcom worthy. In most cases, I call any and everyone I can to see if anyone will talk to me while I deal with it. It helps me get my mind off things, and I'm less likely to work myself into a frenzy. The lucky winner today was Cirrus. LOL. Thanks again, friend.

I have to get my garbage can situated right outside the back door, lid open. THEN, I get the shovel. I obtain another device, usually a broom handle or a large dowel rod we have around here. The secondary device is used to push the trap itself - not touching the rodent - into the shovel. The idea is that I will NOT physically touch any portion of anything *shudder* in the process of disposing of the body.

Yeah. I think it's about time for this patrol to be over. I need a bubble bath and a margarita. I need the kind of hug that only he can give.

A new role

I am officially a student once again.  I began Medical Transcription school yesterday.  I received a scholarship from Operation Life Transformed to receive training through Career Step.

It is difficult for me to really own the fact that I'm doing something for me.  How incredibly empowering.  Jumping right in, I completed my orientation module yesterday, and aced the first quiz.  I seriously doubt that the rest of my education will be quite so easy, but I am looking forward to it.

I told a friend yesterday that it will be nice to use my brain.  Many days, I feel like it is just marinating up there.  I am eager to wake it up and start learning again.

In other news, I have been feeling really poorly lately.  I had some lab work done this week, and I will need to see my doctor again because my labs came back with no indication of what my problem might be.  Say a little prayer for a cooperative physician that is eager to help me, and for better days for me.  I am very exhausted and having a lot of joint pain.  My fingers, shoulders, hips, and knees are very painful, and it's a constant ache with times of stabbing, burning pain.  It's definitely making it hard to do the "single" mom thing with Stuart gone.