A PSA from me

This is truly serious. I know my title is tongue-in-cheek.

Depending on how well you know me, you may or may not know that I've dealt with depression off and on for the last 10 years or so. My first real issue with it was in high school. I gained a lot of weight, hid in my room, lost contact with my friends, and my grades plummeted. My parents were wrapped up in a very ugly separation and divorce, and I was never treated for depression or anything. This went on and on for about a year.

After Stuart and I got married and I got pregnant with Chase, I hit bottom emotionally again. I chalked it up to hormones, but I was clinically depressed. I know that looking back. It happened again after Logan was born in the form of PPD. I didn't even want to leave the hospital. I was treated this time with medication, and felt fantastic. So fantastic that I thought I was "better".

Fast forward to March 2007. I gained weight after my hysterectomy and couldn't lose it - even going to the gym 3 to 5 days a week. A doctor put me on Wellbutrin for weight loss. Not only did I NOT lose weight, it had an adverse effect on my emotions, and I was really cranky and moody. I stopped taking it after a couple months.

Starting in August of 2007, I was having very tearful days where I just couldn't cope. At all. There was no trigger - no stressor that hadn't been there the day before. Just a very helpless feeling. A hopeless feeling. My dear friend, Sonya, who happens to have a PhD and is a Psychotherapist suggested that I see a doc for depression. She - and others around me - could clearly see that I was slipping back into that pit of despair.

I learned something at the visit with my doc that I hadn't heard, and it's worth hearing. UNTREATED DEPRESSION CAN HAVE ADVERSE EFFECTS ON YOUR BODY. No, not in the form of self-mutilation. Not just in the form of fatigue and aching. Untreated depression causes damage to parts of your brain, and left untreated can lead to dementia in later life. I hadn't heard this and it terrifies me.

I know SO many women who are afraid to admit that they feel overwhelmed, sad, or *gasp* depressed. Here's a fact: Depression has nothing to do with you being weak, strong, or otherwise. This is something I've had to tell myself, and it's important. Depression is a disease, just like diabetes, high blood pressure, or glaucoma. You don't ask for it, you don't do something wrong to get it. You DO need to see someone if you have symptoms.

http://www.king5.com/health/stories/NW_080407HEK_dementia_KS.177de55.html

http://www.depression.com/depression_questionnaire.html

Please check these links out. Send me an e-mail if you want to talk or ask questions. Just please don't think you're alone. Don't give up. Please, don't NOT take medicine because you're worried about how others will see you.

My last hurrah

I'll be performing with the Hip Mamas for the last time on March 1 at Arts Alive. I was hoping to still be around for Student Night, but I'm thinking with this PCS it's just not going to be possible.

I can't believe I've been belly dancing for a year now. What a year of self-discovery this has been. I've been introduced to places and people I never would've known without belly dance. I've been introduced to a ME I never would've known. I'm more confident, more graceful, and more fun, I think.

Thanks to Erin for encouraging me to go to class with her, and thanks to Rasheika and the Hip Mamas for allowing me to perform and learn with them. What a ride it's been.

Oh, and you KNOW there will be video and pictures to come. ;)

An explanation...

Here's an explanation to the video:

The baby wipes are courtesy of Logan. He pulled them out of the package right before I started the video.

The "guitar" Chase is using is the attachment to my vacuum.

Yes, they're like this all day, every day.

Rockin' to Guitar Hero

Silly Logan

Observation

Every day I am able to gather with hundreds - even thousands - of people online. All right, not at the same time, of course, but I have people that I know I can go to for prayer, a laugh, a "hug", a dose of reality, and inspiration.

It is so important to me to recognize amazing stories of perseverance, faith, and hope. Stories like Beth and Zach. They weren't sure they'd ever be able to have children, and in the course of a year have been blessed with 2. Now, if they'll just get home from Guatemala and post some pictures. ;)

People like Angela Fox. What an amazing lady - though she'd modestly say she's nothing special. She's full of life, full of hope, and quite a card. LOL! When I think of Angela - even though I know some about the struggles she faces, and nothing about most of what she endures - I always think of her with a big, beautiful smile. Angela has helped me learn about faith and hope.

Then there's Angela Keane, who I don't know as well, but appreciate and admire just the same.. What a beautiful woman. She's worked hard and learned to take care of herself and appreciate herself and her beauty. She's got 3 beautiful kids, and has faced news from doctors in the last few months that I cannot even comprehend. Even at that, she's kept going, and Morgan will be having a procedure done in the Bay Area soon. Without hope - without faith - there's no way they would take the risk of this procedure. Both Angelas are doing this with husbands underway for months at a time. Having to live the single mom life while their husbands are serving our country.

There are others, too. Nissa I admire and adore for her empathy and love. She's a spitfire, though, let me tell you. She's also unbelievably strong, and I'm thankful that she's trusted me to let me see that side of her. Mary is a fount of knowledge and love, always willing to educate and support parents no matter what their choices might be. Jenny is amazing. Simply amazing. Educated, beautiful, positive, and supportive.

Jori is another that I completely admire. Wow, what this woman's helped her family through. Another humble, beautiful spirit, always willing to care for others ahead of herself.

I've got a whole crew I can go to for a laugh - Jen, Elizabeth, Elizabeth, Stephanie, Lisa and SO many more. And even though they're goofy, they each have offered me suport when I've needed it in their own way.

Then I have people like Chrissy, Elaine, Cirrus, Barb, Jessica, Amy, Stacy, Nell, Ronda and Erin that I've gotten to know personally. Women that can give me a hug or a reassuring smile, and I know I can figure things out.

I know exactly the people I can go to when I need help with History - Julie, financial stuff - Sue or Elaine, ins and outs of CG policy - Becca.

There are COUNTLESS others, so if you don't see your name here, don't get offended. Every person who has posted on a thread I've put online, every person that's put a comment on myspace, every individual that's prayed for me or a member of my family is special to me, and helps me learn more about who I am and who I want to be.

Thanks to God for friends and love. <3

I'm freaking out...

AAAAAARRRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

*exhale*

I'm making a very REAL effort not to panic. Let me run through the reasons I'm inclined to freak right now:

1. I have no idea when Stuart is going to report to the boat.

2. I have no idea, then, when we'll be leaving here.

3. Military housing in MS has apparently closed, leaving us to search for a rental from 3000-ish miles away.

4. I have a dog, limiting rental choices.

5. I have a child that will be starting school, so we have to look for a decent school district in our home search.

6. I am a planner, and like to live with a to-do list. I can't do that with so many things up in the air.

7. I get a phone call about once a day from family members asking if we know anything yet.

That'll do for now. I think. I'm so ready for the packers and movers to come pack us up and get us on our way... I just need some questions answered first - and quickly...