Du Nuh Nuh Nuh Na Nuh...

"They say it's your birthday!!!!"

Yup.  It is.  What a year this one's been!  Better than that, what a DAY!

I woke up this morning and the kids were rip roarin' to go.  Chase said, "Mommy, is it your birthday?  Where is your cake and all your boxes?"  Made me feel really good in a way, because he knows that birthdays are a special day around here.  Made me a little sad because Stuart's not here and there's no way I was going to bake myself a cake and whatnot.

I made the boys some breakfast and tried to decide what I wanted for myself.  I was needing a little comfort food, so I had some Quaker Old Fashioned Oats.  I know, oatmeal may not seem like comfort food, but my Nanny used to make it for me every morning when I'd stay at her house.  In fact, she insisted on making me a bowl when we stayed there last month.  :)  To make it even more special, I picked myself some strawberries off my plant out back.  It was a nice breakfast.

About 2 bites into my oatmeal, the phone rang.  It was about 8:25, I guess.  It was my dad calling to wish me a happy birthday.  I talked for a couple of minutes, and heard the phone beep.  It was my new friend, Leah, calling with an exuberant "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!"  It was great.  :)  I called her back after finishing with Dad.

I did some chores around here and took a shower - a treat any day, but especially on my birthday!  It's funny.  When you're a SAHM of preschoolers, a shower is such an extravagance.  I fed the boys lunch and we got dressed to go to town.  Of course, I'd had some computer time during the morning, and had mentioned that I'd be picking up trash bags.  My Coastie Chicks are always good for a laugh and an inside joke or two.  ;)

We left to go to town.  I intended to go to Target and head home.  In the parking lot at Target, Chase asked if we could go to Kohl's.  SURE!!!  I was just going to window shop, because I don't have extra money to be going on a shopping spree.  He wanted to help and push Logan in the stroller.  He was pushing a little faster than I'd like, and not steering very well.  I was trying to quickly scan the racks and keep him from knocking down all the displays in the aisle, when I realized that my phone was ringing.  

It was my Nanny and two sisters.  They were eating lunch together and had me on speakerphone.  Mind you, I'm still in Kohl's.  Chase at this point was out of control with the stroller and was ADAMANT that he had to push.  Uh, wrong-o, buddy.  We left.  *snort*  I was still trying to fight the speakerphone to understand portions of the conversation with my sisters and grandmother.

Once off the phone with them, I headed into WalMart to retrieve the aforementioned garbage bags.  I also picked up a wide brimmed hat for when I mow the yard.  It was a whopping $3 on clearance.  I've noticed that since there is sunshine here, my freckles are getting pretty bad the longer I'm outside.  Go figure, right?  I am using sunscreen on my face, but a hat won't hurt.  Okay, don't tell anybody, but I picked up a couple of things from the bakery.  I got each of us a little triangle pastry for after dinner.  It IS my birthday, after all.

I got home, and Logan had fallen asleep in the car.  I brought Chase in, carried in the bags from the store, and brought Logan in.  Chase reminded me to check the mail, and I'm SO glad I did!  My mailbox was nearly full!  I had cards from Alaska, California, Wisconsin, Tennessee, Virginia, Ohio, Maine, and Texas.  You know I'm working on my self-worth, and these cards were certainly humbling.  Wow.  To know that so many people think of me so fondly was really, really nice.  It made my whole day.  Oh, and you have to see my mantle!!!!  

I got an e-mail with some pretty good news not long after checking the mail, and thought maybe I was going to have a pretty fantastic birthday, after all.  A great friend called - for the second day in a row, at that - with a family serenade for me.  It was great!  It was nice to have such a special and personal acknowledgement of my day.  Of course, there was a beep...a call on the other line...Computer and Printer emergency in CA.  Okay, I'll call right back... Back to chatting, relaying my beautiful surprise in the mail.

Drip.  Drip.  Drip.

Oh, no.  That can't be.  It's not...

the washing machine.

Yeah, you should probably let me go...

Sop up the water on the floor with a towel as I finish cooking myself some dinner and call to try to solve the computer mystery.  Luckily it wasn't a problem at all, just a minor communication glitch between the chair and keyboard.  Phone beeps again.  I swear, everyone has to talk to me at the same time today!

I called my Mom back a little while later and was telling her about my day.  About the great socks I got from Alaska, about the washing machine, etc.  Of course, since I'm on the phone, the kids need to talk to me RIGHT NOW.  That's how it works, you know.  This time it was completely worth it.  The boys had finished their dinners and were having their dessert.

Mom?  Happy Birthday!  Here's your cake!  Blow out your candle, okay?

mom!! Ha Budday!!!

My little (big) boy had taken his bendy straw out of his glass of water and stuck it plum in the middle of his pastry.  I guess all day it had really been bothering him that I didn't have a cake.  Logan chimed right in with birthday wishes.  He held out a bite of his pastry, offering it to me nanoseconds before shoving it in his mouth.  Not Chase.  His straw was my candle, and his pastry was my cake.  I insisted that he eat it, but that was probably the most special little cake ever.  

Thinking "out loud" again

So my whole back to school situation has been in the forefront of my mind lately.  Actually, the last couple of days, it's gotten pushed back a couple of notches, but hopefully I can fix that soon...

Anyhoo...

I was thinking, wondering, pontificating, pondering, whatever you want to call it.  Since I don't have a lot of expendable income right now (translated: minimal, if any), maybe I could work toward an AA with a certificate in Human Services.  This school is affordable for military spouses.  Quite affordable, actually.  I could finish my degree quickly if they will accept credit transfers from Lamar University, where I attended after high school.  I also think that this would give me an opportunity to get my feet wet in a couple of psychology and sociology classes and figure out which direction I'd like to go for a Bachelor's.

These classes should transfer credits toward a Bachelor's degree, right?

Thoughts?  Input?  

Please don't be afraid to give me an honest answer.  I've got to see if I can get a transcript from LU, and see how many credits transfer.  I hope most of them do, because if that's the case I'd be SET as far as the core classes go.  

I just really want to get going.  I'm needing something more right now than diapers, screaming kids, and yoga pants.  Plus, I have to admit, I'm a little jealous of my husband.  He's on a boat with a group of guys that he gets along with.  He gets to sleep.  Actually sleep.  There's talk of him going to a couple of schools that will offer him amazing experience as well as college credit.

Maybe I'm just having a big fat pity party and want something for me.  

But, just maybe I deserve it.  Maybe I really am finally finding my calling.

Finding myself.

Progression and Exhaustion

The strawberry plant is my pride and joy right now.  I purchased it when we moved here a few weeks ago.  It had a few blooms on it, but was in the 50% off pile at Target because it was wilted and seemingly lifeless.  In a matter of a few weeks, it is bearing fruit!  I'm so happy!  The top pic was March 25.  The next pic was April 8, and the pic after that was yesterday.  

I ate that beauty last night.  It was juicy and oh, so sweet.

Speaking of sweet...

Logan was so pooped at the table that he pushed his cereal bowl away and fell asleep, still holding onto the spoon.  How cute is he?

My day today

I am so stinking tired!  It's 9:15, and I am just plain pooped.  

This morning I got up, cooked breakfast, cleaned the kitchen, got dressed.  We played and played, which was fun.  The boys' new favorite game is to throw baby wipes at each other because it makes a kind of slappy sound.  It's silly, but fun.  Oh, and they each only get 2 wipies, so it doesn't waste a whole package.

I had to figure out what was wrong with Paintshop Pro on my other computer because I needed to make a tag for Angela K.  I was supposed to get it done a week or so ago and couldn't get it done.  (after she approves it, I'll share)  :)

Somewhere in here I made lunch.  It's a little foggy at this point.  I did 2 loads of clothes, too, but haven't folded them.  Still.  I watered the plants out front.  They're really beautiful.  I was using a watering can instead of dragging the hose.  Of course, my luck, there was a bird in one of my hanging baskets.  I nearly had a heart attack.  I am SO scared of birds.  I'm also freaked that maybe there is a nest in the plant and I'm drowning some eggs or something.  There's no way I'm looking in there, though.

I got a phone call from one of the ladies in my new Sunday School class.  She wanted to schedule a play date at a park on Friday.  Hopefully that goes well.  I'm hoping I didn't forget about something and have to reschedule.  I've been really bad about that lately.

The rain clouds came rolling in just as I was starting to mow my huge back yard.  Figures.  I got most of it done, then ran out of gas.  I seriously only had 3 passes left.  I'm completely anal and have to have straight lines in my yard.  If I'd been smart (and less obsessive) I'd have done the part nearest the house first and then just the back of the yard at the fenceline would have been long.  Oh well.

Come inside and it's time to start dinner.  Chase helped me make meatloaf, mashed potatoes and corn.  He was so excited to help stir the meat, breadcrumbs, tomato sauce, and egg together.  I put the meat in the muffin tin and he patted it down to pack it in.  He was such a help!  I made instant potatoes because I have a HUGE box of them that Sonya gave me before we moved.  Stuart isn't here, and the kids don't notice a difference.  Chase stirred the potatoes, too.  He ended up eating 2 little meatloaves (muffin size), 2 helpings of mashed potatoes, and a fair amount of corn.  Logan ate a lot of potatoes and some corn but not so much meat.

Get the potato covered toddler out of his seat, and give the boys a bath.  In the process I got mashed potatoes all over my black t-shirt.  (this info will come in handy in a bit)  The boys splashed and played in the tub, and I ran to the dining table real fast to wipe the potatoes off the table.  If I hadn't that would've been the first place Logan ran, and the bath would've been in vain.  Luckily the bath was cut short.

Jammies are on and the kids are settling in to watch the Good Night show on Sprout.  I hear something outside and notice a van out front.  It's a couple of older men.  My living room is a mess, the boys are in jammies and wanting to run out the front door to greet these people that they don't know.  I sneak out the front door, closing it behind me.  They were some really great men from the church.  They live nearby and wanted to give me their names and numbers in case I need anything while Stuart is underway.  They were very insistent that they meant it, and I could call anytime.  They reminded me of my Pop, which made me feel good and very sad at the same time.  We chatted for a minute and then I hugged them before they left...Sweaty, mashed potato covered shirt and all.  

I had a telecommute call with Sonya to help her set up a new printer.  The kids left me alone most of the call, then Logan started in with "I sweepy!   I sad!"  

Got off the phone, got Logan to sleep, and now waiting for Chase to settle in and give up.  He's being still, just not going to sleep.

I am so tired.  I could really use a hug and a snuggle.  Oh, and apparently they are wanting to send Stuart to an EMT school, which I'm really proud of.  He's excited and honored.  I hope it works out for him.  The school is only 3 weeks long, and it's in California.

Okay, I've got to get this big boy to go to sleep.  

I'd really like to take a bath and try to get some sleep myself...

A follow-up

Eh, you know how I am.  If I'm thinking about something I have to lay it all out there to work through it.

After being encouraged in my previous post to look into some websites and literature, I've done a lot of reading and testing, trying to figure out career-wise where I would fit.  Better yet, what would fit me.

In my previous post I was afraid to mention that I'd like to be a counselor or therapist.  I've felt that way for a long time and always said I'd get too wrapped up in things to do that.  At that time it was true, by the way.  There was no way for me to separate myself from someone else's crisis or tension.

Each time I took a test, Counseling, Therapy, Social Work, and Psychiatry were listed.  Every single time.  I've been working with a psychotherapist with over 25 years of experience.  First working on belly dance choreography, then helping her get some things organized.  I have developed a true friendship with a woman who is an amazing professional.  She's helped me work through some inner struggles and helped me realize things about people in general.  She and I have both shared very openly about our weaknesses and strengths.  We certainly compliment each other in a lot of ways.

Last week we were chatting, and she had to let me go quickly to get to an appointment.  Before she got off, she said this, "Amber, you can do anything if you can just find your confidence.  You have the personality, you have people skills, you have EVERYTHING.  You just need to find your confidence and there is NO LIMIT to what you can do."

She finished by telling me how young I still am and that I really needed to think about what she said.  

...and obviously I haven't given it a second thought.  *snort*

The long and longer of this is to please keep me in your prayers.  I'm doing a lot of searching.  The thing is, even if I NEVER get a job.  If I NEVER utilize the education, I would LOVE to immerse myself in this field.  

My goal isn't to find a job.  I don't have to work right now.  I am enjoying being able to raise the kids and stay home with them.  My goal is to fill some gaps intellectually.  I really am longing to learn.  I'm a completely different person than I was 10 years ago in a lot of ways.  I'm ready to work hard at being a student in one way or another.

I'll keep you posted.

Oh, good grief

Chase is just full of it.  We were singing and dancing around the living room just now, going through our repertoire of church songs and just fun run around and dance songs.  We get to Zacchaeus.   

I have a habit, I must interject, of singing a few lines and then stopping to make the kids sing the rest of the line.  It's fun, and we all usually get a good laugh out of it.

So, we sing about the wee little man one time all together.  Chase sings the words correctly.  We start round number two: "Zacchaeus was a wee little..." I trail off.

"KOALA!!!"  Chase screams triumphantly.  

"No, son, he wasn't a Koala.  He was a wee little man."

"But Mooooom, he was in a sycamore tree.  You know, like a koala."

"Sweetie, koalas like eucalyptus trees, not sycamore.  Trust me."

"Oh, okay..."

Hit me with your best shot -

Along with my post on introspect, I'd like to solicit advice.

Growing up in a small town, most of the girls I went to school with are now teachers, in the medical profession, or work at a plant.  Truthfully, there weren't many options presented to me for my future.  We took the career placement recommendation test, and mine got lost.  No lie.  I never got the results.  

I graduated from high school, and majored in Elementary Education, along with 90% of my friends.  I took a few semesters and didn't feel like it was the place for me.  In the midst of that, I got married, moved to a large city, and got a job doing clerical work.  I made decent money and wasn't concerned about finishing my degree and becoming a teacher.

As I've matured, by leaps and bounds, I know that I could finish my degree, but I would not be satisfied.  I think our children deserve to be taught by passionate educators, not a person that just wanted to finish a degree.

Aside from seeking guidance from on high, via prayers of discernment and trying to listen to what God has to say, where do I look?  What do I do?

There are things that interest me:  graphic design, writing, massage therapy, teaching adults, encouraging others, and organizing.  What do these things add up to?  I have no idea.  

I would love to figure out which courses I should take and begin applying to schools.  Chase starts school in the fall, and Logan in a few years.  It would be great to be able to do something for myself and try to fulfill my own intellectual needs.

How do 17 and 18 year olds decide what they want to do for the next 30+ years and have a satisfying experience?  Good for them, is all I have to say.  I've been out of high school for 10 years and still don't know what I want to be when I grow up.